March 28, 2017

Do not read this blog.

Attention everyone. Or anyone who might be reading this. Which might be no one. This is a public service announcement. There are certain people who probably shouldn't read this blog. Thus, here is your warning. Read at your own risk.

Do not read this blog if your parents loved you perfectly, if you have your faith completely figured out, or if you can tuck the front part of your shirt into your jeans exactly like a J.Crew model and still look skinny.

Do not read this blog if you wake up without an alarm clock, if everything in your house matches, or if your vehicle still has "new car smell." ...kidding, I'm just bitter and mildly jealous of anyone with a car that doesn't smell like a fourteen year old chihuahua.

If you judge people who go to counseling or have a therapist, definitely don't read this blog. Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is reach out for help. This is not a weakness.

Do not read this blog if you have vividly white teeth in perfect rows, or if your eyebrows are arched just so without any tweezing, or if you never have to shave your toes.

If you think gay people or black people or fat people or any people for that matter are less than not read this blog. Actually, on second thought you might learn something. About kindness and love. So you can read this blog.

If you never had a fat phase, or an awkward phase, or an ugly phase or a bad hair phase, please don't read this blog.

If you're wandering or wondering, read this blog. Got family dysfunction? I got it too. You may read this blog.

If you floss every day, you can maybe read this blog. And teach me how.

If you've ever felt a million miles away from someone you loved most in the world, while sitting in the same room with them, you can read this blog. Got a broken heart or a broken relationship or a broken spirit? Please read this blog. Start with this. And maybe this.

If you don't cry at that coffee commercial where Peter comes home for Christmas, please avoid reading this blog.

If you've ever had the rug pulled out from under you, been backed into a corner, had your life turned upside down, or received the short end of the stick, please read this blog. And be my friend.

If you sometimes say the wrong thing, end up feeling silly or wish you could rewind the past ten minutes for a do-over, definitely read this blog. You're among your people.

If you feel like a has-been or a never-was or you're afraid you'll never reach your full potential, or you think you might have peaked in high school, read this blog. There's hope for you and me.

Life is what happens while you're too busy waiting for life to happen. When we finally accept this, it will be a great epiphany....I just always manage to forget. If you're reading these words, there's hope for you. Even if it feels like your last crumb of hope was eaten by a cartoon mouse in an ironic sort of way. There is hope. I promise.

And for the record, anyone who wants to can read this blog. That's all.